When we talk about ‘communication’, we often mean ‘what we say’: the words that we use. However, interpersonal communication is much more than the explicit meaning of words, and the information or message that they convey. It also includes implicit messages, whether intentional or not, which are expressed through non-verbal behaviours.
Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions, the tone and pitch of the voice, gestures displayed through body language (kinesics) and the physical distance between the communicators (proxemics).
These non-verbal signals can give clues and additional information and meaning over and above spoken (verbal) communication. Indeed, some estimates suggest that around 70 to 80% of communication is non-verbal!
Non-verbal communication helps people to:
Reinforce or modify what is said in words.
For example, people may nod their heads vigorously when saying “Yes” to emphasise that they agree with the other person. A shrug of the shoulders and a sad expression when saying “I’m fine, thanks” may actually imply that things are not really fine at all!
Convey information about their emotional state.
Your facial expression, your tone of voice, and your body language can often tell people exactly how you feel, even if you have hardly said a word. Consider how often you have said to someone,
“Are you OK? You look a bit down.”
We know how people feel from their non-verbal communication.
Define or reinforce the relationship between people.
If you have ever watched a couple sitting talking, you may have noticed that they tend to ‘mirror’ each other’s body language. They hold their hands in similar positions, they smile at the same time, and they turn to face each other more fully. These movements reinforce their relationship: they build on their rapport, and help them to feel more connected.
Provide feedback to the other person.
Smiles and nods tell someone that you are listening and that you agree with what they are saying. Movement and hand gestures may indicate that you wish to speak. These subtle signals give information gently but clearly.
Regulate the flow of communication
There are a number of signals that we use to tell people that we have finished speaking, or that we wish to speak. An emphatic nod, and firm closing of the lips indicates that we have nothing more to say, for example. Making eye contact with the chair of a meeting and nodding slightly will indicate that you wish to speak.
